Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
