I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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