conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think people are normalizing furries
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
