New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
