I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
