There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
