I should be sponsored by Trojan
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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