I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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