Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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