How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
