my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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