saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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