She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He better not be in your backpack
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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