Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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