Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
