He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
