But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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