you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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