you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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