Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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