Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
