I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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