??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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