why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
