i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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