I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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