Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
