I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
