I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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