I want to walk on stilts...naked
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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