he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
