there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
