the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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