Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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