dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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