ya dads aren't the best wingmen
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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