how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
