I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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