How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
