Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
