Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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