dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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