Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
organizing the empties. That sober.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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