hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I supernannyed him into submission
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
