Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
