we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
