i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Terrible idea I love it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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