Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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