so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
