He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
