That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
