she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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