had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
