There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
