Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
