FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
